@QuakerWanker okay, weird, but okay
@dankwraith i think it works far better than the synthesis theory, if on;y because i don't have to do the shitty and painful work of trying to reconcile the two, and it also fits neatly into the infinite loop theory of the rebuilds
he believes he's owed happiness by others, he believes the world around him is the one that owes him love and affection, that it exists to please him. he can't love himself because he doesn't know how, he only knows a world he perceives as being one that should give him love, but instead gives him rejection and sadness. over, and over and over. for eternity
the shinji of end of evangelion can never find happiness because he never even wanted to find happiness in the first place
shinji is ultimately fated to repeat the same mistakes over and over, he even says so himself to yui. shinji is, in the end, fated to live in a neverending loop of sadness and regret, unloved and unwilling to love
thematically it's a total rejection of the ending of the series. the love and acceptance that shinji finally learns is nonexistent. shinji in end of evangelion is the fulfillment of his personal wishes thru the series. he doesn't want to hurt anyone, so doesn't connect with anyone. but he believes he's owed the love and affection of others regardless. so he gets into this loop of self-hatred. because he doesn't reach out to others, he doesn't receive the love and affection he craves. so instead he recedes into himself further, and his self-hatred manifests in hurting others over and over again. he pilots the evangelion because others praise him and show affection toward him, but when he's not piloting the eva all he thinks he sees is others hurting him and denigrating him. he thinks others show no love for him because he refuses to see the affection and care others show for him, he thinks they're using him for something, much in the same way he thinks his father was using him to pilot the evangelion. he has no understanding of others, so believes that others have no understanding of others either. but really, he doesn't even understand himself, let alone love himself.
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