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i've finally done it.

i've made it halfway through chapter 9

anxiously doomscrolling the trending pages on twitter to find something i can riff on for a shitpost

another fine day in the horniest nation in the post british world. i need to get my dick checked and pay my taxes at the same time, so i just head down to the office of the sexchequer

all of the haters are talking about checks and balances ⚖ while I'm simply checking my account balance 💵

question, hrt, boofing 

So when boofing progesterone, about how long does it take to absorb?

at the peak of my hormonal cycle when my titties are biggest and I'm looking, feeling, and smelling maximally fertile, the thing I crave above all others is a dictatorship of the proletariat

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@Colophonscrawl unconscionable that border guards are now required to mockingly wave ham sandwiches at british drivers and tell them 'you want this, mate? huh? you want the ham sandwich? well you can't have it, you pure cockwomble'

Under new guidelines, border guards are require to call all passengers traveling from the UK "proper knobs." Cruel and unusual if you ask me!

in a statement released today, former president barack obama said of hamgate, "this is an international tragedy. a man should be allowed to eat a sandwich without being accosted by border patrol guards. if this were america, i'd let them eat that sandwich no matter what border they were crossing, or no matter what meat was on that sandwich. because america is the land of the free, and the home of the sandwich. thank you"

forcibly ejected from france for smuggling american cheese in

i can picture the daily mail headline: DASTARDLY EU CONFISCATES INNOCENT DRIVER'S SANDWICH!!! THE EU IS LITERALLY HITLER (who we bigged up when he was around haha)

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"the filter function is right there!" i holler, as a muscular man in a tight black shirt carries off my dick into an unmarked black van

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getting my dick and balls confiscated by the dutch after one too many un-cw'd posts

i know other people like their bots and such but damn, its much nicer, and now i don't have to worry about my instance hosting images i will never see nor interact with because they were put there by a bot i didn't care for in the first place

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i suspended the other day and you have no idea how nice it is not to be seeing a zillion bots on my timeline

the most naïve part of this imo is that it seems to think that reactionaries

  1. think they're doing anything wrong
  2. have any sense of shame
  3. think they're likely to face consequences for their actions

when literally zero of these are true

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centrist compromise on police abolition: the cops stay, but now you're legally allowed to murder them

a level playing field will allow the invisible hand of the market to decide if cops are necessary or not

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Cyrene Savage's Post Hole

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